Anxiety of Change

I'm not scared of change. In fact, I don't think you find it scary either.

This is just a safe thing for us to say. It is a little trick we collectively use to cover up what I believe Jordan Peterson would call a hole in our map of the world.

I think we are really afraid of success.

Just about everyone denies this. Some do so quite emphatically, even with anger. 

It is safer to say we are afraid of change. We can all embrace this together and buy some self-help books on Getting Things Done or Taking Action. We even feel good saying it. Consultants can make lots of money doing change management and we can all stay safely in our cocoons.

But it's bullshit. I'm not afraid of trying a new sandwich at the local fast food joint. I even try new clothes or a bizarre haircut from time to time. Do I love disruption and change? No, but I'm not afraid of it. It doesn't make me curl up sobbing on the floor under my desk.

But one thing does do just that and it's contemplating success. Not just any success. I'm speaking of successfully answering my calling in the world – to live up to the full potential of what I came into this world to accomplish.

I'm told that the Sufi have a belief that when we die we are asked one question, "How many people did you feed?"

When I speak of success, I am speaking of this. When I say I am scared of success, I mean that I am torn completely apart by even contemplating the path to success. It seems to run counter to everything I have acquired, built or desired. This is not the case, but this is what it feels like. It tears my heart and soul out of my body and places them raw into the world and I am wracked by sobs.

To contemplate success, we must ask what matters to our soul. 

This is not a question that can be unasked so we run from it.

I am running from "loving people for their true potential and helping them to achieve nothing less."

What are you running from?